First week back at work

Surprisingly, it was only 3 weeks since my last post, on the train to Edinburgh. It feels ages ago, so long gone that I've forgotten how does it feel to put on a winter coat, or to walk under drizzle (not rain!), and enjoying the sun where it gives you warmth and not sweat

It is probably a bad idea to blog this from office server, but hey, I've nothing to hide. This is more or less the same as what I wrote on Global People Survey (it is one thing that I've never missed in my PwC life - write my lenghty comments every year)

So... how does it feel to go back to the office that I often missed? Well... it's different, very different from what I was expecting, not so much of the physical difference, I was expecting that, after all we moved to a brand new building, with better infrastructure

I know most of my buddies left, I know there'll be mainly new faces when I get back, I just wasn't expecting the rock bottom resources situation (believe me when I say rock bottom, although I've said it many times throughout the 4.5 years, if it can get lower, it has to be 'vacuum' condition already)

Why some people can stay longer than others? IMHO, it is the emphasis of that person; if it is solely work, he/she wouldn't last; if it is of the people, he/she would last as long as the rest is around. I guess the conclusion is, I do not believe in sustainable resources in this line, the only difference is how big is the gap you are looking to close down, and currently? Massive

I felt that I'm beginning to ramble, better stop it now

5 days... and I've already came across all the negative thoughts existed - sad, helpless, anger, frustration, feeling rejected, scared, worried.. you name it

Was it really that bad, you may ask. Actually I don't think so, because this is just the beginning of a very long tough road (of course, unless if I'm willing to give up everything I have now - which I might just have to). Then, why do I feel so terrible? Simply because I did not get the support that I was expecting, maybe I expected too much? Maybe it's just different now, I'm playing in a completely different league, and I'm the only one to be blamed for, to end up here

Gosh... what a depressing post. Hope the weekend bring an end to this and I'll start fresh again (a week less from the 18 months bond, perhaps that is something worth celebrating - I am that desperate)

Secretly thinking, what would fate bring on in the next 18 months? I'm not optimistic, can only sort out one thing at a time, and pray that I've enough strength to face whatever there is